Hi & welcome to Meet Me At The Boutique! often when we’ve been out of the game for a little while we require a bit of an introduction. Sometimes people say it’s just like riding a horse when you fall off you just have to get back up on it. The same can be said for the dating game.
Remember all that excitement of first meeting someone the butterflies, the countless hours spent shopping for that perfect outfit just so you would make a good impression, getting your make up just right so it covers up that little freckle you don’t seem to like or putting on your favourite shade of lipgloss because it always makes you exude confidence. Ahhhh the excitement!
But then theres the other side of the game where you’re thinking even though you know what you’re doing it’s just been a while that you’re wondering if it’s you or if the game has really just changed that much. Everything at this stage is questionable, do you really even know yourself anymore? or is the game even worth the end goal anymore?
Sometimes I wonder has everything else in the world become so risky that now whether we realise it or not we have become a society of playing it safe?
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It seemed like so long ago, sitting in that bright lit classroom with that cool September breeze rolling in. In a room full of eleven and twelve year old total and utter silence. Our eyes were peeled to the screens as if the latest blockbuster featuring nothing but shocks was on. Oh how I wish that had been something as simple and unrealistic as that, on this day all those years ago had been when the World Trade Centre had been attacked. I was a child and remember just being frozen in shock and disbelief that something like that could happen. Here I was all the way in Australia seeing one of the worlds biggest super powers in such a vulnerable state.
During my recent trip to New York I went to visit the site. Not only was this one of the most emotional experiences I had had on the trip it was one of the most emotional places I had experienced in my life. All that time had passed and it was still raw for so many people. To be honest I didn’t know how to feel or even if it were right being there. Here we were experiencing one of the most amazing cities in the world but in that moment the world just ceased to exist.
In one of the busiest cities in the world here was a place that seemed eerily calm and quiet. Sure people were talking amongst themselves but it was so soft and calm. It was such a strange feeling to be here, to be in a place that so many people were so afraid and lost their lives. To be in a place where so many people lost a part of their family for life. You could just feel the sadness in the air. I walked around the site and a sign caught my eye that basically explained that every year on the anniversaries or birthdays of those who had lost their lives a rose was placed on their name. That day I had seen so many roses and they were so beautiful yet so sad.
I am glad however in the end that we went to visit the site. It was one of the most life changing days in my young life. It affected how everything at home operated and how we appreciated our lives. I feel like it was good to go there and actually realise the intensity and magnitude of such an event. Most importantly I feel like it was positive to go there and see that as a city and globally the world remembers all those who didn’t make it home that fateful day. I know I have not done the event or the people justice in relaying my experience to you but it is unlike anything else.
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The smells, the sounds, the lights, every sensation was like nothing I had ever experienced before. For a moment I had to close my eyes just so I could open them to confirm with my mind that after everything here I was, finally I had arrived in New York City. I had barely arrived but I couldn’t just look at one thing at a time I wanted to take it all in remember all the little things, all the big things and just keep it all forever, my eyes were darting all over the place. So many people come to New York City looking for many forms of love and adventure and at that very moment I had found mine.
As with everything new I had a moment of anxiety, what do I do? Can I handle being so far away from home? In the simplest of terms… Yeah you can! It’s New York City! When we broaden our horizons we learn the best things about the world and ourselves. So on a cool Novembers night in New York we began to explore the most amazing concrete jungle we had seen. It may seem like a stereotypical stop but our first destination was Times Square.
Forget the dazzling of a diamond on a finger, the lights of Times Square illuminated the night. I had never seen anything like it before. While the sheer size and hustle and bustle of people coming and going may make some people feel alone those aspects of Times Square made me realise that you can come to New York City alone but there will always be something going on. In New York City you can be an individual in a crowd but loneliness seemed far from what I was experiencing.
Just the sensation of being there I could imagine what it was like when the ball dropped on New Years Eve, the sounds of the cabs going past, the beeping of horns (which as our trip went on we discovered happened quite regularly), the steam coming from the vents on the road, the smells and the tapping of shoes as hundreds of being around you were heading on their own journey. This was just the start of the ultimate experience…..after all if you can make it here you can make it anywhere!
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It is often on the most common of days through the most random of conversations that some of our deepest insights may come to light. Today was he perfect example of this what started as a casual walk with a friend on a beautiful sunny day turned into a conversation about some of life’s most consuming topics, relationships, or more specifically long distance relationships.
Would you wait? Could you do it? Could you handle seeing each other every other week or month? Is knowing you are in a relationship with that person enough? Sometimes these are the questions that everyone is wondering but no one wants to say because no one wants to be critisied for thinking they can’t deal. But aren’t we always being told we need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else? If thats the case would it be selfish and wrong to put yourself first in this case?
Let’s face it long distance relationships are tough! It’s hard being with someone yet not being physically near them or being able to spend time with them. Am I saying that this is reason to give up? Not at all. Sometimes the most difficult of journies are the ones that yeild the biggest rewards.
As this conversation continued and vered off and back again I though to myself about life in general. Very few things I had wanted up to no in my life hadn’t turned out the way I had planned or hoped and life had taken me on its own crazy road! That didn’t mean that my life was any better or any worse than anyone elses it just meant that it was different.
So why should relationships be any different? Relationships that follow are stereotypical view of how a relationship should be aren’t guarenteed success. Everyone and every relationship is different and sometimes things happen in a relationship that strengthen and bring a couple closer together. Create your own path in life no matter the situation after all it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all…
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Tags: Advice, Can't live without you, Chose to be happy, Could we?, Darling I'll wait for you, Destiny, Different, DIY, Do it yourself, don't give up, Failed relationships, Forever and always, Friends, Happy, Hope, Journey, Juliet, Life, Long distance, Long distance relationship, long distance relationships, Loss, Love, Loved, Meant to be, relationship, Relationships, Road less travelled, Romeo, Should we?, Soul mates, Together, True love, Unconventional love, Us, We, You and me, You can go your own way
Time heals all wounds…..
This is something I’ve been told constantly my entire life but after actually experiencing one of the ultimate wounds life can throw your way I have to say this is not the case. To me time only conceals the wound, its not as obvious to those around you as it was the first day it happened but underneath it all, the smile, the laugh, the pain of that wound is still there.
I don’t want to sound like a diva or a brat but when you lose someone so close to you, someone that you can’t ever replace the pain of that never goes away. Sure you learn to live with the hand you’ve been dealt but it affects every minor and large aspect of your life. These emotions all began to resurface for me when during the wedding process of one of my friends. She is the sweetest girl and deserves all the happiness in the world and I am so happy for her. However seeing her at events with her mother just made me realise how much I had been covering up the piece of me that was missing.
It was the most beautiful thing seeing how happy they both were and seeing the love that a mother has for her daughter and vice versa. It was at that moment that I realised time hadn’t healed my wound and I would be carrying this wound with me for the rest of my life and it was going to hurt. I felt like life had taken from me the one thing I both wanted and needed, my mother.
I thought about all the things I would have to do alone. All the things I could never call my mum and tell her. Buying my first home, meeting the right guy, if I ever got married or had children. At all those moments in life the wound of losing her would feel as raw as it did that very day. This is not supposed to be depressing or sound like jealousy but rather to really appreciate what you have. Don’t ever miss an opportunity to say I love you or just to give her a moment of your day. She knows you have a life, she wants you to, but just take a moment to realise how lucky and special you are to have her everyday.
Sending love to all the mothers out there and all the ones watching over us.
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Tags: A love like no other, Always Missed, Appreciate, Baby girl, Daughter, Death, Don't know what you have till it's gone, Experiences, Gone, Grief, Heart, Hurt, Irreplacable, Life, Loss, Love, Missing you, Mom, moments, Mother, Mother and daughter, Mothers, Mum, One of a kind, Pain, Regina Spector Samson, Saddness, Samson, Wedding, Wish, Wish you were here, Wound, Wounds
A few days ago the world was made aware of the sudden and tragic passing of one of the world’s most beloved actors and comedians. It wasn’t just the man we lost, we lost all of the characters he played. But more than just a character Robin Williams, and this I believe is what many of the critics are failing to see, was human. He was a father, husband, friend. This is obviously evident through the outpouring of grief and the shock that I witnessed in my office alone upon hearing of his death.
What probably shocked me the most was that a man who seemed so happy and made the world laugh could have felt the way he did which ultimately resulted in his death. As the images of Robin Williams flashed across the TV screen I couldn’t help but see him in a new light. The man who brought Mrs Doubtfire to my life appeared to have a certain level of sadness in his smile and eyes. A pain so raw.
I can’t say that I know how he felt because no one except him knew that but I can relate. After my mother passed away I didn’t see a point to anything, all my hopes and plans for the future had all involved her and I couldn’t bear to think or try to do any of them without her. This deepness didn’t happen straight away mostly for a while I just felt numb but after I had my first set back in life since my mum died I didn’t know what to do or how to cope and the one person who I turned to wasn’t there and that’s when t hit me harder than I ever could have imagined.
While I obviously never took my own life I feel like I can relate to that sense of hopelessness and pain. It’s not something that you can just switch off or snap out of and when people tell you it’ll get better you just want to scream, “How! how would you know? Have you been here?”. In this instance of the loss of my mother while some areas of my life have gotten significantly better one aspect that totally blows everyones theory of it’ll get better totally out of the water is how badly I miss her and how badly I just want one more hug, to tell her how my day is or even just to be told off for leaving my stuff around. The pain of missing her gets worse.
But the main point I’m trying to make there is that people who criticise someone who is going through depression or pain of any kind need to be kinder and try and understand how someone else might be feeling. They may not have been there, they may not know what it feels like. Sometimes all a person needs is to have someone listen to them just blurt everything out, they don’t need anyone to fix their problems they just need someone to hear them. So next time when you see someone looking a little down, or see a hidden crack in the smile of a friend who always seems happy just talk, listen and be there. It doesn’t take a lot but to that other person you may be giving so much more than you think.
Rest in Peace Robin.
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Mondays…. do I even really need to go into that. It’s fridays arch enemy! So on this Monday as I woke up to a overcast and freezing Sydney morning it took a little coaching to get out of bed. As I said goodbye to an oh so dramatic weekend I began to feel more than just the usual case of monday nerves. Today was the day of my six month review at work and what an amazing, crazy, educational, emotional six months they have been.
During my review I received the regular feedback, progress about how I was performing and a conversation about goals that surprised even myself. I had goals but hadn’t actually thought about how much I had achieved even in just the last 6 months. I remember back to New Year’s I didn’t want to set resolutions as such because I feel like often the idea of a resolution, solving something utterly and completely can be daunting and often leads to failure because we make that resolution bigger than the journey.
Instead of doing that I set myself goals because the thing I believe about goals is that the road to them isn’t always ascending. Sometimes you experience the downfall but if you pull yourself back up that final result means so much more because you learnt to appreciate the journey as a whole. In the last 6 months I achieved many of the goals on my list, I got a new full time job in my field, I finalllyyy got my passport and I booked my first trip overseas.
So as I discussed the goals I had stated in my 3 month review my manager told me to think of more goals that I would like to work on before my one year review. She said they could be anything! But what struck a cord with me even more was the idea that she shared that sometimes sharing your goal with someone else can in fact be a little motivator. Someone there knows what your working on, someone who will ask you about it and motivate you to succeed. No in a judgemental way but in a positive supportive cheering you on type of way.
My mind started to slowly tick over like clockwork and I began to think of new goals or working further on ones I already had. So I’ll share my goals now with you to give myself more motivation and maybe even inspire you to do the same.
- Learn more about the roles of others within my team.
- Save for another holiday.
- Be fitter, more toned and stronger.
- Be more confident about myself and my abilities.
- Set myself a 10 week challenge (fitness/exercise)
Stay tuned & keep reaching!
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